He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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