i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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