PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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