birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I touched a dick in church today
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
