Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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