Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
