So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I will pee on everything he values.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
