Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
