Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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