i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
