Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
