Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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