what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
