You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
