i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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