before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
