I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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