Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
