Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
