Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize