dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
