i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
