Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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