You're so nebulous sometimes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
