Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just gift wrapped bread.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
