Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
