i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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