Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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