i wish my penis had a tongue
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
