you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
