FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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