Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
