The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
