Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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