Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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