he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
