I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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