he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
