sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
