WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
