Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
