I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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