I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
