and i looked up. we had an audience...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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