Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
