____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
