My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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