someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
