Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
