I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
