What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
