i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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