I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize