i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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