how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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