He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize