I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
