bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I stole a fireplace last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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