Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
