I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
