Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
