He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize