i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
