seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
