I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
