Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
