Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
