it glows. i had to have it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
