i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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