Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
