My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
