she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
