why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
