He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
