Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize