he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I will pee on everything he values.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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