Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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