Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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