I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
