maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize